What Covert Narcissists Say to Gaslight You: Recognize the Signs

Have you ever realized your partner is blatantly questioning your weaknesses during an argument? You must have experienced this once in your life when you are unable to understand why your partner or family members start doing personal attacks amid arguments and force you to question your sanity during altercations are things just Covert Narcissists say.

We got this personal attack and coercive questioning mystery resolved for you.

Psychologists state “Gaslighting” is a form of psychological abuse; in which the abuser aims to question your perception of reality, thoughts, and actions. People who fall under the radar of Narcissism; Covert Narcissists say to gaslighting as their prime manipulative tactic.

Let’s dig deeper into what type of phrases and tactics introverted narcissism use to gaslight their partners, friends, or family members, and what’s the science behind Covert Narcissists’ Gaslighting. We believe in helping you effectively respond to Covert Narcissists in an argument, with an insightful awareness about the signs of their imperious gaslighting.

• Covert Narcissists
• Science Behind Covert Narcissists’ Gaslighting in an Argument
• Phrases and Tactics Covert Narcissists Use to Gaslight Others
• How to Respond to Covert Narcissists’ Gaslighting

The things Covert Narcissists say

As the field of mental health defines; introverted narcissism is a subtle personality type of Narcissism. This is a more inhibitive form of self-grandiosity, self-entitlement, and lacking empathy. Narcissists don’t display their entitled persona but the motivation behind their actions remains the same as Narcissists.

This clash of their outward personality and vulnerable sense of self makes them envious of others, lack confidence, seek validation, and have a self-appeasing trauma bonding that mainly drives them depressed and vindictive.

The things Covert Narcissists say in an argument are articulately said to ensure their control of the situation. The slightest criticism and disagreement triggers Covert Narcissists’ hypersensitivity. They retaliate with devious tactics and one of them is Gaslighting.

Science behind Covert Narcissists’ Gaslighting in an Argument

Just as we can see a Chameleon’s true colors when they get triggered, similarly arguments and squabbles trigger introverted narcissism abusive passive-aggressive tendencies. Gaslighting has to be their top favorite form of manipulation that not only causes severe psychological abuse but also results in physical abuse.

Psychological research on Covert Narcissists’ Gaslighting behavior explains that gaslighting can cause similar symptoms of anxiety and depression. Using Gaslight tactics during arguments deteriorates the victim’s overall mental health but the most concerning part is, that the abuser forces the victim to question their sense of reality for Gaslighting purposes but it eventually causes abnormal levels of self-doubt in the victim in later life. [1]

Are you trying to figure out now; why introverted narcissism have a subtle persona, why do they engage in something as malignant as Gaslighting?

In most cases, childhood trauma and verbal abuse, low self-esteem, and abusive ex-partners are the reasons introverted narcissism use malicious tactics and hurtful phrases to gaslight the victim and degrade their self-worth.

Let’s explore the things Covert Narcissists say in an argument to Gaslight their partners, friends, and family members.

Phrases and Tactics Covert Narcissists Use to Gaslight Others

Countering Phrases; Playing with Your Sanity

In this type of Gaslighting, Covert Narcissists instigate the idea of misperception to induce doubt and guilt in the victim. Sense of reality is an involuntary process for most of us while being repeatedly questioned about the authenticity of our sanity, thoughts, memories, and feelings could drive us nuts in no time.

The things Covert Narcissists say in an argument to Gaslight others could make the victims delusional about everything because Covert Narcissists create situations that support their stances. The victims may feel invalid about their instincts and refrain from bringing their narratives to the argument.

• “Have you gone mad? I haven’t said that.”
• “Oh! I think you are not in your senses.”
• “You are mixing up things, I don’t remember what happened.”
• “I don’t think you’re mentally fit to carry on this conversation.”
• Covert Narcissists claim that your version of reality lacks reliability and they remember each detail perfectly to Gaslight you.
• “You are nuts, everybody says that.”

Covert Narcissists may go at length as Gaslighters, they will manipulate your family and social circles into thinking that there’s something wrong with you. They control your mind so well that you only believe in their created reality.

Withholding Phrases; Creating Confusion

Covert Narcissists withhold communication and create confusion during arguments. They gaslight you by instantly shutting off their emotions and refusing to understand the scenario. The things Covert Narcissists say in an argument to Gaslight make the victim responsible for their reaction, deliberately causing feelings of shame that they might have hurt the feelings of Covert Narcissists.

• “Please, don’t begin with your drama again.”
• “I won’t listen to another word, this topic is close to me.”
• “I don’t see it going anywhere you are confusing me.”
• “This crap goes on and on, I’m tired.”
• Covert Narcissists gaslight you by subtly targeting your lack of intellect, which gives them an edge over you for their self-proclaimed command of logic.
• “I wish you had something logical to discuss”
• “You are just getting emotional, think about it practically.”

Trivializing Phrases; Devaluing Your Feelings

The things Covert Narcissists say in an argument to Gaslight their victims are derogatory, they lack empathy and never see the need to address other people’s emotions and feelings. Covert Narcissists devalue your feelings by minimizing the worth of your pain and suffering while keeping their trauma at the top.

Covert Narcissists Gaslight the victim to feel awful about their genuine emotions and feelings, so the victim drops the idea of feeling hurt or asking for help.

• “You are just overreacting.”
• “There’s nothing serious, you are too anxious about everything.”
• “Other people are having it much worse, just look around you.”
• “Stop acting like a snowflake.”
• At the workplace, you might have noticed your Covert Narcissists senior downplay your performance by gaslighting you.
• “Not everybody can handle stress, it’s difficult to take up new roles and responsibilities.”
• “I think you were overconfident about your potential. No problem, keep trying.”
• “I don’t think this is what we are expecting from you.”
• “Corporate never rely on feelings, you are here to work, other roles are harder to perform.”

Denial Phrases; Negating The Facts and Forgetfulness

Covert Narcissists deny your claims and pretend to forget what you have told them, but this Forgetfulness is another means of Gaslighting you about how meaningless your opinion is. One of the weird things Covert Narcissists do is, show denial on reality-check of the situations and act like they have forgotten about their commitments with you. This serves as extremely risky behavior when the victim has no evidence of what they’ve said earlier and now openly refuses to accept.

• “I don’t remember anything like that.”
• “I think that happened in your dream.”
• “It wasn’t me, you are making things up.”
• “I haven’t received any email, which project are you talking about?”
• “I didn’t start the argument, you did it.”
• “I never said this about you, it was about the situation.’

Diverting Phrases; Causing Distractions and Dependency

Covert Narcissists tend to distort the facts when things are not going their way, they start manipulating their victim by diverting their attention. They often adopt the position of your well-wisher when they are caught guilty, the things Covert Narcissists say in an argument are fabricated to show you their concern for you and your well-being depends on them.

• “Do you think I would ever hurt you?”
• “Why would I hurt you intentionally, I was just worried for you.”
• “Only I think of your betterment.”
• “Of course, my opinions differ from your family because I know you more than them.”
• “I didn’t mean to hurt you, your reactions just made me angry.”
• “All this workload is to upscale your skill set.”

The consequences of the diverting technique of gaslighting are, that it creates dependency, the victim believes the abuser is genuinely helping them, and they stop noticing offenses in the future.

Related: “Understanding Covert Narcissism: Common Phrases That Reveal Hidden Abuse”

Stereotypical Phrases; Negative Manipulation of Stereotypes

Gaslighting is all about hitting the right targets at the right time, introverted narcissism manipulate stereotypes by distorting the beliefs of the victim. The things Covert Narcissists says in an argument are to switch the blame to the victim.

They Gaslight the arguments to prevail over the sense of insecurity and self-doubt by instigating personal attacks on the victim.

• “You know nothing about the real world, don’t talk about your internet stuff.”
• “Managing finances is not like you managing house chores.”
• “I know this better than you.”
• “All men are the same.”
• “All women know is to yap about everything.”

“It’s not your fault women are emotional beings, that’s why you can’t see the practical reality.”

Sharing space with an abusive gaslighting Covert Narcissists is a mentally draining experience, it severely affects the victim’s emotional and physical well-being.

The self-doubt and delirium state of mind makes the victim see the abuser as someone loyal to them. Hence, they don’t try to challenge the abuser nor find them at fault.

But, You! If you’ve noticed you are encountering a Introverted narcissism, the things Covert Narcissists say in an argument to you are somewhere near what Gaslighting sounds like, please do take action.

The final words are extremely important for you.

How to Respond to Covert Narcissists’ Gaslighting:

Seek Command on Verbal and Nonverbal Communication:

Focus on your gestures and posture while interacting with these type of persons during an argument, some of the tricks are:

1. Maintaining eye contact with them, so they know you are speaking with certainty.
2. Straight-up confident posture.
3. To-the-point talks.
4. Switch from “You” to “I” statements.
5. Connect dots, and speak about how they made you feel.

Practice Assertive Style Communication:

You can practice the following statements to respond to the things Covert Narcissists say in an argument to Gaslight you;

• “There’s nothing wrong with my memory, I remember the details.”
• “I can share screenshots, messages, or emails about what I precisely want to discuss.”
• “I am not being treated right, I deserve better than this.”
• “Be respectful to my stances, otherwise I’ll react in the same manner.”
• “I appreciate honesty.”
• “If the email is miscommunicated on my end, remind me again I’ll send another one.”
• “We are mutually suffering due to this argument.”
• “Don’t dictate my feelings, I know what to feel.”

Seek Professional and Social Support:

You never know how numb introverted narcissism’ Gaslighting makes you, sometimes you don’t believe it is happening but you become just like them. Seek social and professional support to keep your sanity in check and validate positive feelings.

Further exploring things that he say in an argument helps you to identify Covert Narcissists in other spheres of life.

If you want to know more about Covert Narcissists, then click here!