You try your hardest to keep up with a Covert Narcissist until one day; you can’t take it anymore. You are tired of their manipulation, lies, and blame games. Their never-admitting mistakes and turning tables on you every single time have drained your energy so much that you finally decide to walk away. One day, they shower you with love, and the next day they make you feel pathetic and worthless. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions and never a smooth journey with them. Trust me when I say it’s worst to be committed to a Covert Narcissist, but it’s even worse when you decide to break up with them. Then they do even worse things.

Once you have made up your mind that you don’t want to continue your relationship with a narcissist, and they sense it, they opt for classic mind games. They try to confuse you, guilt-trip you, and change your mind to get you back. At the same time, they want to have the upper hand on you and get back at you for attempting to leave them. Sometimes, the victim might be the bad person, and a narcissist succeeds in becoming the victim in front of the world. In this article, we will talk about weird things covert narcissists do when you try to leave so that you can identify them and stay firm on your decision to break up with them.

They begin to play blame games

I have commonly observed in my clients who go through a breakup with a Covert Narcissist that they are always confused about whether they have made the right decision to leave their partner or could give them another chance and stay back.

A commonly weird thing Covert Narcissists do when you break up with them is trying to instill guilt and shame in you. They ultimately turn the tables on you and blame you for a failed relationship. They can never let their fragile ego get hurt by admitting that they did wrong. Not just you, but they also successfully convince others that you were the sole reason for the breakup, and you lose your reputation among your friends and colleagues.

Fight your decision and try to prove you wrong

Do you think it’s a weird thing Covert Narcissists do that they fight with you and deny the breakup? I believe it’s very usual for an individual with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder to fight something you decided and force you to back off from your decision. They may do it directly by saying, “You can’t do it” or “I won’t let you leave me”. They can also do it indirectly, such as persuading you to talk it out or sort things out. Unfortunately, an empath usually doesn’t have enough courage to get in a fight repeatedly, so they prefer to reconcile.

Let me tell you some of the common statements given by a Covert Narcissist who is fighting your decision:

• You aren’t going to do that. Are you?
• I have talked to my parents about you, so you can’t back off now.
• You are saying this because you are angry; I will not be a part of it.
• You promised me forever, so we are sticking together no matter what.

If you can relate to one or more of these phrases, it means it’s a few of the many weird things Covert Narcissists do to prevent you from breaking up with them.

Makes you feel insecure and jealous

In an attempt to get back at you, your narcissistic partner will often try to make you feel jealous. They might start hanging out with somebody else at the end of your relationship, post pictures, and show them off with lovey-dovey messages on social media. When you question them about this pathetic behaviour, they will respond by saying something like, “Why do you even care? You are leaving me anyways”.

The strategy behind this is multi-layered. They want to kill two birds with a single stone. They want you to believe that they can always find someone better than you. At the same time, they want to create doubts in your mind regarding the decision to break up with your narcissistic partner.

I have seen many female clients in therapy who have weak decision power and are still confused about whether to leave or to continue because of such mind games that narcissists play with them.

This weird thing Covert Narcissists do can be very dangerous as it can trigger feelings of nervousness and insecurity in you, so beware of it and don’t let it get the best of you.

Make fake promises to change

Liar! Liar! They can only fake it, not make it happen. When Covert Narcissists often realize that you are on the verge of ending the relationship, they make dramatic promises to change. They may fake such changes for some time but revert to their original behavior within a few days. Their promises barely sustain.

It’s a widespread misconception that Covert Narcissists don’t know what they are doing. They see the hurt they cause to those around them but refuse to admit it.

Common phrases that you might hear from a promising Covert Narcissist are:

• I promise I’ll never hurt you again.
• I promise I will take therapy, and I will change.
• I promise I will not get angry at you and will never misbehave with you again.
• I promise things will be different from now onwards.

These promises are all lies! Please, I cannot emphasize enough that it’s all a trap! Don’t fall for it.

Feign a crisis to grab your attention

The worst thing Covert Narcissists do when you decide to part ways is feign a crisis to grab your attention. Individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder usually exploit their naive partners with specific stressors to divert their minds towards them. Such emergencies are often crafted to induce guilt in you, especially when they know what your weak point is.

If you are breaking up with your narcissistic partner, the following statements will certainly resonate with you:

• I know you don’t love me anymore, but I just wished to share that I have developed a severe illness. I am waiting to hear from the doctor or for the reports to get the final diagnosis.
• I just desire to let you know that I lost my job because I was so depressed after you left.
• I am sure you don’t miss me or think of me, but I still want to tell you that I failed my exams because I lost my focus after I lost you.

I can relate to it because I have been through a similar situation. When I discovered that my clinical group mate, whom I thought was a very dear friend, started displaying narcissistic characteristics, I decided to break ties with him. As I cut off my ties, he began to fake a similar crisis to get me back. However, I remained firm on my decision and am glad I never believed his fake attempts to get me back.

Seek revenge from you

This is their last straw! It’s not just a weird thing Covert Narcissists do; instead, it’s gruesome. They cannot accept their defeat and will go to any lengths to take revenge on you. I have been a victim of this, so I know. When a narcissist cannot fight you or force you to change your mind, they will try to hurt you differently. I will share with you how a Covert Narcissist friend sought revenge on me:

• He threatened to expose my secrets to our mutual friends.
• He said he would involve my friends and family and tell them how I ruined his life.
• He challenged me that I would regret losing him.
• He tried to make me feel like I was the culprit and everyone would get to know the real me soon.

I ignored all of this bullshit and continued to focus on myself. Everyone eventually figured that I was the victim of his narcissistic abuse.

My advice!

It is not easy to break up with a Covert Narcissist as they will legitimately destroy you to stop you from snatching away their “narcissistic supply”. I am sure you must have decided a hundred times to leave them to save yourself from weird things covert narcissists do . But every time, you stopped due to one or more reasons mentioned below:

• They would blame everything on you whenever you confronted them.
• They would threaten to expose you in front of the whole world.
• They would fake promises to change every time you tried to break up.
• They would guilt-trip you and feign a crisis when you end the relationship.
• You get scared they would seek revenge or talk shit behind your back to your friends and family.

No matter the circumstances, it’s fair to feel doubtful while breaking up with a Covert Narcissist. However, you must recognize your needs and set your priorities straight. You deserve to be in a loving and nurturing relationship rather than always walking on eggshells at all times. If you feel scared, threatened, unloved, and anxious while facing weird things covert narcissists do. Then, you should seriously consider putting an end to it.

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